loveskulls: (Default)
Kingdom Comes Mods ([personal profile] loveskulls) wrote in [community profile] kingdomcomesooc2017-08-02 10:29 pm
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August has arrived, and with it that awkward time where it’s still summer, but it won’t be for much longer. The farmlands outside the village are full of folks hard at work tending their crops (some of which look entirely too phallic) or herding their livestock. The forest is alive with animals and insects, and people coming to and fro as they hunt, gather, and travel for business and pleasure through its boughs. Why not take a walk down well-trod paths, or explore off-trail? The forest is safe, assuming you don’t anger local wildlife or the supernatural critters that live in there.

And in the village proper, things are getting back to normal. Townsfolk are going about their business, commenting that the newcomers are good for tourism. And it’s true; all outliers will find themselves dealing with a handful of nosy passersby this month. Sometimes they just stare, smile, and wave; other times they come up and ask questions about where you’re from, what you did there, do you know any really exotic sex acts… and it’s only a proposition some of the time. They’re genuinely curious!

Guards and apprentices will certainly also get this treatment, but seeing as they can retreat into the castle when they’re not on errands or shifts, it may be less of a problem.

Speaking of which...

Lucky you, apprentices! Seeing as there’s a number of dignitaries in town right now, the Mistress has decided to actually give you degenerates some “important” tasks to do. While that mostly means doing standard household chores around the castle, she assigns all apprentices to clean and sort a few rooms in the cellars. No pilfering food or wine, she warns. Some of those cellars contain patches of mold that may make cleaning a more difficult task than anticipated… no, that doesn’t mean asthma for the apprentices. Unless you want them to, whatever, I’m not your dad. No, the spores have a psychoactive effect; the closer you are to them while cleaning, the more inebriated you’ll get. It’s not sex pollen, but what you want to do when you’re high in a place where everyone runs around half-naked and occasionally perform sex acts in public is your business.

And in the meantime, try to enjoy the company of the diplomats and ambassadors. Some of them are probably secret assassins, but most are just there to suck up to the Mistress. Individually, some are quite happy to dote on you, or even invite you to their rooms… but around the Mistress, they may be more likely to cater to her whims.

She, by the way, doesn’t actually trust any of you guards enough to assign you to important bodyguard roles. You can hang out with them all you want, but when it comes to watching over them, that’s not your job at all. Instead, she has you doing drills alongside new recruits under an officer. Jogging, exercises (in groups and with partners), and even an obstacle course. Amazingly, you aren’t naked for it, though it’s not like your uniforms are particularly helpful with keeping everything in place correctly and you are definitely not allowed to stop and adjust yourself. Less amazingly, dignitaries can often be noted watching from their balconies. Masturbating? Probably.


Posted prominently at the center of the marketplace are a number of bills advertising quests and tasks. They also appear in your journals, because of course they do.

Available Quests

To accomplish a quest and earn coins, we ask that you either directly thread out the quest, or have it play a significant part in an unrelated thread in some way (IE: you’re interrupted in progress of performing the task, you ask a friend to help, the task backfired and you’re now cursed/injured/horny, etc). You may collect the coin on the AC after you have completed the thread. Though you’re welcome to handwave simple NPC conversations and involvement, if you would like a mod to hop in with an NPC or to offer you advice, you’re welcome to do so! Comment on this post at any point during the month to request NPC involvement.

Cursed Cow
My most prized cow was cursed by a sorcerer two weeks ago. When I milk her, she yodels in a powerful man’s voice and doesn’t stop until I’m done. It’s extremely loud, my ears hurt, and the neighbors are complaining. If someone can help me solve this problem, it would be really helpful.
-a Dairy Farmer

Rewards: 5g-20 gold, depending on the cleverness of your solution.

Words for Sex
I’m having a contest with my neighbor for who can come up with the best words and euphemisms for sex. It’s been going on for a while and I’m running out of ideas, but I refuse to quit. If you can submit me a page of your best ideas, I’ll pay for them. I live around the south corner from the market, in the house with the red and blue door. If it’s good, I might ask for more.
Reward: 10 gold per sheet of 15 good euphemisms. (Limit two per character)

I want weird mushrooms. Put them in the jar. It’s under your bed. It’s got your name on it.
Reward: 5 gold for a... labeled... jar... filled with weird mushrooms...???

This post is yours for the plotting! Have fun! You're welcome to leave questions here.
hauntpadour: (Default)

[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-08-04 01:24 pm (UTC)(link)
If we want to do a quest, do we make a post of our own?